


One last wish, if only I knew.

by JaskierTheSadBi



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Djinni & Genies, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Geralt Made The Wrong Wish, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia-centric, Geralt's Last Wish, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Not canon death, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Warnings May Change, not canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24905524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaskierTheSadBi/pseuds/JaskierTheSadBi
Summary: What if when Geralt shouted at Jaskier, "If life could give me one blessing. It would be to take you off my hands." he had one last wish? What if when Geralt needed him most, Jaskier couldn't be found.. How can he reverse it?Hope may seem to be lost, but he'll find it again. He's good at keeping himself going, even if it's with lies.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Roach, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS DON'T READ IF YA HAVEN'T SEEN UP TO EPISODE 8
> 
> This is an alternate universe born of my love for pain, and binge watching the Witcher. What if when Geralt shouted at Jaskier, "If the life could give me one blessing. It would be to take you off my hands." he had one last wish? What if when Geralt needed him most, Jaskier couldn't be found.. How can he reverse it?
> 
> (NONCANNON character death! Probably not who you think it is!)

One last wish, if only I knew.

“If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands.”  
When he said those words, he didn’t know he would regret them. He tried to make sure nobody needed him, but he forgot about what would happen when he needed them. Sure, he hated being in a pile of shit, but how did he never notice how much he loved spending time with Jaskier. 

It’s been three years since Geralt last saw him, and he’s thought nothing of it, they’ve gone longer without seeing each other. He was drowning himself in jobs, hiding the guilt of the words he said to Jaskier, pretending like he didn’t love the feeling he had when he saw Jaskier was safe. They weren’t friends, certainly not. He’d stated it many times “He’s not my friend.” So why did it hurt so bad? Witchers didn’t feel, right? They weren’t supposed to, it’s magic that he’s feeling. That’s the only thought he would allow, the only one that made sense. Geralt claims it’s a coincidence that he spends his nights alone now, not the shame that isn’t in his gut. Not the guilt and sadness that, totally does not, crash over him every time he tried to be with anyone.  
“I want nothing” The answer he gave when asked, refusing to acknowledge he was lying to himself.  
“What do you want?”  
“Jaskier, a friend, someone who put up with me. That’s what I want.” Yet.. why can’t he just say that?

The big brooding witcher kept a busy life for around five more years, and then tragedy struck. For the past eight years since Jaskier disappeared from his life, he’s had Roach, even adopted a little black kitten he named Bard, who he found on the side of the road after a job. He had a few friends that he could trust to give him jobs, to provide him with coin to drink away the night. Roach had been growing older, he knew this, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Knowing Bard was in a better place didn’t make it hurt any less. Those who he called friends? During a job, they were attacked and he was too slow, unable to keep his new friends in his life. What was he supposed to do? Roach, the friend he couldn’t push away. Bard, the kitten that he would secretly coo at in the middle of the night. His friends, who knew that he blamed himself for so much, and worked to help him stop. Even Ciri, gone, on her own with a family of farmers, forbidden from seeing her. All gone from his life. He was tired, Jaskier was still alive, the songs of Geralt, the white wolf, still coming and improving. Jaskier was still alive but no matter how much he searched, Geralt couldn’t find him. For five full years Geralt was searching, hoping to stumble into Jaskier exactly how he had the first time. In a pub, Jaskier singing, people throwing bread at him and Geralt drinking alone. 

If he knew.. Would he have hugged Jaskier and made sure he knew they were friends?

One night, he simply couldn’t take it. That very lake where they met the Jin, taking a risk he allowed himself to drop to the edge and let it out. Eight years of telling himself he wasn’t feeling guilty, eight years of working himself to exhaustion so he wouldn’t think of Jaskier.  
Eight years of ignoring the pain in his heart, because he finally realized the love he felt for Jaskier, five years of hunting for Jaskier only to never see him. It hurt, and he was tired.  
It made no sense in truth, going and looking for the same Jin he once captured, who he watched fly free. Geralt was desperate, haunted day and night, just wanting to have Jaskier back. It’s not hard to assume that it didn’t work, the Jin didn’t show, and in all honesty? He wanted to give up, let the guilt consume him, disappear into the forest and never be seen again. All he wanted now? Jaskier, or to finally meet his doom on a job. So far life hadn’t had mercy on him, so why would it give him a break now?

“You roll the dice over and over, hoping one day you’ll get a bad play.”  
That’s what Yennefer told him when he hunted her down to ask for help. Geralt offered everything he had, just for information on how to get Jaskier back in his life. The disappointment was overwhelming when his payments were rejected, he needed to find Jaskier, even if he can only speak to him for a minute. Everything he said, everytime he shouted at Jaskier, everytime he claimed they weren’t friends.. Geralt was wrong and he was willing to give everything to apologize, and see him again.

His trip to the lake, searching for the Jin, went horribly. A few days after, he went on the search for Yennefer, the hunt itself went smoothly, but she wasn’t willing to help. When Geralt returned to his camp, he decided to try something new, before he searched for more answers. Cliche as can be, but he began writing letters, the first one he sent ended up returned to him. It was something about "couldn't find a Jaskier anywhere on the continent" Yet he tried again, and again. It had been months now, and his collection of letters was growing, but his hope was dwindling.


	2. Jaskier The Stressed Out Bi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter focuses on Jaskier's eighth year after the fight, it'll hint to previous years but it's focus is the later years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I do most of my writing at around 11pm - 1am so I apologize for any wonky details. Also! Noticed we got a few bookmarks and people leaving kudos :sob: y'all are wonderful and I am so grateful that you're willing to put up with my 1am writing tandems!  
> Jaskier has a horse now, because he misses Roach. Her name is Destiny and she's an actual oc of mine lol  
> (also I forgot to edit the word Jinn in the first chapter, I meant to change it to Djinn, the actual spelling)
> 
> I am s t r u g g l i n g apparently. I start writing then stop two minutes later :(

The years had started off calm and easy, with little worry from Jaskier other than the idea that Geralt was truly angry with him. He knew Geralt had a habit of lashing out at him, as proven with the Djinn, but that didn't stop him from growing worried every now and then, especially since he hadn't heard from him or seen him at all. The first year, he spent most of his time working on the story of the dragon, often getting distracted with the memory of their fight. Jaskier wasn't sure how to map out the ending of the song, it wasn't exactly a happy ending for anyone. Sure, he loved adding some exaggeration to the stories, yet he honestly felt lost this time, shocking enough. It was the third year after the fight that Jaskier forced the memory from his mind, deciding he would do much better if he just forgot.

Around the eighth year was when the odd dreams started, uncomfortable feelings daily, and the urge to run away to the coast. It felt like he was being hunted, and he was terrified that it was something trying to kill him. Most of the dreams consisted of him watching himself from the point of view of an animal, making him feel unsafe in his own skin when he awoke.

He was taking a short nap after a day of singing in the pub when the dream turned into a full blown nightmare. He was no longer watching himself from far away, he was approaching the very pub where he was staying, and quickly getting closer and closer. When he watched the door swing open, he jumped awake and wasted no time grabbing his lute and getting the hell out of town. Unfortunately, this was all the work of the djinn. Geralt was outside of the town searching for him, and whenever Geralt was near, the dreams would become unbearable and he would run, assuming his life depended on it.  
Jaskier had thrown on his shoes and slowed down a bit once he was outside of the town, taking a minute to breathe and get himself situated on Destiny, the horse he recently bought from a small breeder. In truth he missed many things about Geralt, especially Roach, but even after eight years he did all he could to forget about his and Geralt's fight. It wasn't a happy memory for him, but he wasn't dwelling on it anymore, he just didn't like to think about it.

The Autumn Ball he attended was when he first got a chance to think about Geralt, many of the songs he played were the stories of their adventures after all. Everywhere he looked, he thought he would finally see Geralt again, and when he spotted white hair or a witcher-like style, he would get excited and giddy, his hopes raising that it would be Geralt. It was never Geralt. He never failed to end up disappointed that night, especially when he found someone who resembled Geralt enough that he ran over and hugged them.. Jaskier gave a rushed apology then ran off, heading outside to the garden to distract himself.

"A storm breaking on the horizon. Of longing and heartache and lust. He's always bad news. It's always lose, lose"

Jaskier liked to pretend he hadn't written "Her sweet kiss" with a certain witcher in mind, but in truth it's only "Her" so Geralt wouldn't catch on. He didn't want to risk scaring the other off, especially with how aggrivated Geralt would get sometimes. Now, he wishes he made his feelings obvious. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I've honestly written out the happy scenes already because I torture myself with this angst lol
> 
> Also, a friend (I love you) pointed out some hints in "Her sweet kiss"
> 
> episode one: 'Like Milk' He tells her his name, Geralt 'Like.... Garrotter?'
> 
> I'm weak my love, and I am wanting  
> If this is the path I must trudge  
> I welcome my sentence  
> Give to you my penance  
> Garrotter, jury and judge
> 
> But her love's as unfair as a crook  
> It steals all my reason  
> Commits every treason  
> Of logic, with naught but a look
> 
> Geralt doesn't speak much, just looks at Jaskier a lot.
> 
> It's canon that they love each other, maybe they just haven't pointed out that Jaskier is in love with Geralt [yes I ship it A LOT]


	3. Geralt Finds Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been eleven years since their fight, and Geralt thought he was never gonna feel hope again. Then he ran into Yennefer, and this time, thanks to "incredibly annoying whining", she offered a way to reverse the damage he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you, yes you. I saw you leaving kudos and bookmarking, or just stalking, and I just want to say that no matter who you are. You are valid, worthy of love, important, and you make this world better, no matter what anyone tries to tell you. Asexual, Aromantic, Demisexual, Bi, Pan, Gay, Straight, Transgender, struggling with mental health, struggling with your past, struggling to find joy, it's gonna be okay. Yeah, it's tiring to hear that but.. Take it from someone who's sick of hearing it too, sick of hearing it and thinking "What if it's too far away"
> 
> Trust me, it's not too far away. It's around the corner, you'll find it, and if you need help? I'm here, maybe I don't know you and you don't know me, but I'm right here. Bust down my doors, message me, you need someone to listen? I'm all ears. You need a distraction? I've got many stories and I can roleplay, or we can just talk! Do you need someone to cry with..? I'm right here hon, I'm right here.  
> I myself have been through a lot, my family falling to pieces, coming out as trans, coming out as gay, dealing with manipulative boyfriends, manipulative friends, I've seen my fair share of shit, and I'll stand beside you to show you it gets better, no matter how long you need me. 
> 
> Sometimes all you need to do is take that risk, put that little bit of trust into a stranger, someone who'll drop it all to listen, to help you cry, to hold you. I learned my lesson on that, I'll help you with the learning process if you just ask, and it's okay to ask. Ask me anything, questions about myself, about my life, about my stories, about my pets. Hon, if you need ANYTHING, I'll be right here waiting for you to be ready to start moving forward, no matter how small the first steps are.

Geralt the White Wolf, that was the name that was now haunting him. Jaskier had given him that name, shifted it from "The Butcher of Blavikan," to something so much less.. murderous, and Geralt hadn't even gotten to thank him for that. There were so many things he hadn't gotten to thank him for, and now so many things he couldn't apologize for. "Look why don't we leave tomorrow, give me a chance to prove myself a worthy travel companion. Head to the coast," Why couldn't he just agree like he so desperately wanted to. Geralt wanted to run away with Jaskier and not look back, so why didn't he agree that very second? He never even managed to notice his own tone when he said Jaskier's name, so much softer than he ever spoke, so clearly filled with care for the other.. So many questions in his head, no answers in eleven years. He wasn't ready to do everything on his own again, but he didn't have much of a choice these days.

Geralt was walking through the market of a small town, wearing the "sad silk trader" clothes Jaskier had given him all those years ago, wanting to keep a piece of Jaskier with him whenever he could. If he wasn't planning to be prepared for a fight, he would allow himself to day dream and listen to bards playing lutes, wear the clothes Jaskier seemed to like, keep himself clean just as Jaskier would encourage him to do.. He couldn't help but reserve a room with two beds no matter where he went, always expecting Jaskier to turn up and join him. It never happened but.. Old habits are hard to break, huh. He wasn't used to anything anymore, no need to get Roach fitted for new shoes, hunting daily for his next job, no more feeding fish to a tiny little kitten he found on the side of the street. No more "annoying" bard following him like a lost puppy, and in all honesty, he spends quite a bit of his time wishing for that feeling again.

What the witcher failed to pay attention to was the fact that he had managed to stumble into the very same town that Yennefer was currently inhabiting, and when he finally began paying attention to the conversation around him, he couldn't help but pick up bits and pieces of a very.. familiar sounding mage, in the area.  
"Yennefer, I'm sorry, please, I'm lost and I don't know what to do anymore." Was all he really managed to get out before dropping to his knees and essentially begging for help, he was desperate and he couldn't care less about how the public viewed him, much less how Yennefer viewed him now. He was ready to do whatever it took to bring Jaskier back into his life.

"I've never seen a Witcher beg, I can't say I'm not tempted to help you now," Yennefer began before frowning a bit, noticing the "puppy eyes" Geralt was trying to give her "If I help you will you stop it with that look, it's creepy."  
"Yes of course! Please Yennefer, anything. I miss having people in my life.. I messed up when I said everything to you, and to Jaskier."

"Find the Djinn, they rest at the edge of the world waiting for a new master, all you have to do is find it. You and Jaskier are both connected to it, it'll easily allow itself to be captured by one of you. When you have it, bring it to me, it might need some convincing before it undoes your wish."

Geralt couldn't help but smile and stand up, pausing for a second "May I hug you?" he asked just to be safe, not wanting to end up on her bad side. When she gave a short nod, he smiled a bit brighter and hugged her. "I'm sorry for what I said to you too Yen, when I said you wouldn't make a good mother, I was wrong. Maybe you won't be able to give birth to your own child, but I think you'll build a family some day." He may of missed how she smiled into his shoulder with that, who knew witcher's could be nice? Or even apologize and admit they messed up?? Wow! Breaking so many sterotypes Geralt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no sleep schedule and have a growing urge to just write HAPPINESS. Sadly I'm trying to actually make the happy chapter good, so here's more procrastination in the form of Geralt being big sad. Also idk how a djinn would actually work in this situation, normally the third wish is used to reverse the first, but the third wish was used to push Jaskier out of his life.
> 
> Also, probably unpopular opinion: Geralt is a bottom and nobody can convince me otherwise.
> 
> If you need me, just message me, I don't bite. I promise.


	4. Geralt Finds His Bard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geralt found his djinn, the djinn reverted his final wish, and now a bit more chaos is gonna unfold. But don't worry, the savior is just around the corner. Are sirens offically a creature in the netflix show? Who knows! All I know, is that Geralt's in a bit more trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who apparently went a full week without updating this story- JaskierTheSadBi!  
> Sorry for that, I really didn't plan to make y'all wait so long. I'm also sorry for how short the chapters are, I'm not the greatest with writing in length when I'm just trying to get to the happy part lol

"The fairer sex they often call it  
But her love’s as unfair as a crook,"

Geralt knew he was in trouble from the very second he heard a singing voice, very similar to Jaskier's, yet he knew it was only a siren. After all, that's what his job was currently; to find the siren that was tormenting the town. It was meant to be an easy job, just something to earn him a little extra coin while he searched for his bard.

"Steals all my reason  
Commits every treason,"

It was a game of telling himself to not fear the siren, but his mind was weak just from hearing the song. Knowing it was meant to be Jaskier singing to him, it was painful. Her Sweet Kiss, that's what the song was called. It was obviously meant for someone, and gods did Geralt wish the song was for him. It wasn't fair to call Jaskier "his bard" yet here he was, unable to stop his longing. 

"Of logic, with naught but a look  
A storm breaking on the horizon"

"Of longing and heartache and lust,"  


He could feel his body begging to give in, to let the siren take control and lead him to peace, but the thoughts of Jaskier made him desperate to fight. What was the point in fighting all these tweleve years just to give in when a siren sings him a song from Jaskier? It took all he had to keep fighting, to draw his blade and swing, connecting with the fins of the Siren. The fins didn't have many nerves in them, so it didn't slow the Siren with pain, but it did disorient it for a good few seconds. Those few seconds were enough for Geralt to shake the Siren's spell from his head, thought it certainly didn't help in the long run. With the grace of a cat, the siren snaked around and delivered a few slashes to the back of his thighs, thankfully not going too deep.. for the moment. How could it possibly be fair to fight something that has stolen Jaskier's appearance? Siren's certainly seem to have a sadistic nature, don't they? Beating a man down to his knees, all by using the appearance of whom they long for the most. 

"She’s always bad news  
It’s always lose, lose,"

Siren's are known to target your weakest points, it's what their entire life is. Yet, somehow, Geralt wasn't prepared for just how horribly this fight would go. First the song, the song he would always listen to and wish that it could've been for him. Second was the appearance of Jaskier, a face he hadn't seen in tweleve years, a face he had been longing for, for gods knows how long. Third was how the nasty creature infiltrated his mind, whispering sweet nothings to him in Jaskier's voice as he tried to fight it. With each slash of it's scales, another whisper came. "You're so Beautiful Geralt, more beautiful than any maiden." "I can't wait to have you all to myself, I'll spoil you day and night, my love." "It's always been his sweet kiss, I was just worried they would grow suspicious of us," They came and went, every whisper taunting and making him want to allow his body to collapse. Why not live in a fantasy world, he'd be happy, wouldn't he?

"So tell me love, tell me love  
How is that just?,"

Every little whisper, every little cry, every little scale burying itself deep into Geralt's skin as he slowly lost hope once again, His body wearing down and slowly giving in to the Siren's torments. He was wrapped around the siren's fingers, nothing but a pawn to do as they pleased. Well, almost at least. He was still trying to plead, a broken voice barely whispering "Jaskier," over and over, wishing for once he would be the one being saved.

  
"But the story is this  
She’ll destroy with her sweet kiss  
Her sweet kiss  
But the story is this  
She’ll destroy with her sweet kiss,"  


The only sound he could hear was soft humming, the slow burning pain in his legs and back tuning all else out. Geralt was awake inside of his own mind, but he almost couldn't feel his own body, couldn't open his eyes. It felt as though his brain was wrapped in vines, cutting him as he tried to escape their grasp, being hunted and his pain being fed upon.

  
"Her current is pulling you closer  
And charging the hot, humid night  
The red sky at dawn is giving a warning, you fool  
Better stay out of sight  
I’m weak my love, and I am wanting,"  


The vines in his mind seemed to slowly withdraw, as did the taunting, yet a new feeling of terror filled the witcher's gut. Why was the siren backing off? Was it under attack from another creature? It couldn't of been a townsfolk, nor another witcher, nobody was in the area! It had to of been something that also wanted to prey upon a beaten down witcher. Geralt could've cried from joy, just from being so, so incredibly wrong. After a minute of the siren seemingly engaged with another creature, Geralt was able to open his eyes and grab a sword, ready to protect himself. The very person the siren had impersonated, Jaskier, was there with a blade defending him. Maybe it was a halucination, maybe it wasn't, Geralt didn't care. Jaskier was THERE. The witcher had stayed awake for around twenty seconds before he blacked out, his body now relaxed with the idea of Jaskier being near.

  
"If this is the path I must trudge  
I welcome my sentence  
Give to you my penance  
Garrotter, jury and judge,"  


When Geralt next awoke to the soft singing, his body felt relaxed, clean, cared for, just as he always felt when he was with Jaskier. He didn't have to open his eyes to know where he was, he was with Jaskier, the only place he wanted to call home. "I'm sorry, you ask what I want, I say nothing. I say you're shoveling the shit, but you're making it the best moments of my life. I want.. to be home Jaskier. I want you to be my bard, I want to.. I want you to want me." He finally released in his happy-sleepy state, deciding that if he could say it now? Jaskier would help him repeat it later. 

  
"But the story is this  
He’ll destroy with his sweet kiss  
His sweet kiss  
Oh-hoh   
But the story is this  
He’ll destroy with his sweet kiss  
Oh-hoh-ohhh   
But the story is this  
He’ll destroy with his sweet kiss  
His sweet kiss  
Oh-hoh   
But the story is this  
He’ll destroy with his sweet kiss,  


All of a sudden? Geralt knew everything was gonna be okay, he had his bard, and his bard had him. And maybe he finally realized that he didn't need to wish for that song to be his. Maybe, just maybe, Jaskier was smiling like an idiot and petting Geralt's hair and whispering all those sweet words he oh so desperately wanted to hear. Maybe everything is going to go well for the two, just for a bit at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What song could possibly fit a Siren better than "Her Sweet Kiss"? Especially when Geralt can only wish it's written about him ;)
> 
> I was halfway through the chapter and my laptop went "lol nah let's close ao3 :)"  
> so that was FUN.
> 
> I asked some friends to choose a number from 1 to 10, and that determined how this chapter went.. So if you're sad, do or don't blame me-  
> It's always a fun time trying to write a story and I'm soft please be nice


	5. this isn't over yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some notes, jokes, lil moments, a flashback and painful moments of Roach's death, and a bit more (hopefully)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love roleplaying? Have discord? Need a new roleplay server and wouldn't mind one that has some similar "The Witcher" mechanics in it? Well I've got JUST the server for you! Well not yet actually, it's still a very big wip, but I do think some of y'all would enjoy it! If you're interested, even by the tiniest bit, dm me on discord! My user is TheStressedBi#1733 The server is called winter's bloodbath, I may even turn some of the roleplay bits into a full-blown story here!
> 
> I look forward to hearing from some of y'all!
> 
> Now for other information, I WILL continue this story line! Possibly just in another title.  
> no matter WHERE it is, this shall be continuuuued! whether it's happy or sad lil snippits

notes portion of this, links, information on the server, etc!

Please do keep in mind that this server is very new, so there is quite a lot of world building yet to be done, but that simply means there's plenty of room for suggestions! You can suggest bots, reigons of the continent, kingdom rules, etc! It also gives you plenty of time to work on your characters, to gain roles you're hoping for, and plenty of time to get to know everyone else!

DISCRIMINATION OF ANY KIND, AGAINST ANY FELLOW MEMBERS, WILL RESULT IN AN IMMEDIATE BAN WITH NO QUESTIONS ASKED! This is a safe place! Whoever you are, you're welcome here! If you have an issue with another member making you uncomfortable, simply speak to me and I'll happily get everything sorted out!

Message me @TheStressedBi#1733 with any questions (or suggestions for stories with Geralt and Jaskier!)

https://discord.gg/pQDSPuT  
Here's a link to the server! Feel free to start chatting, and start throwing together character ideas! We're all friendly, though maybe just a little weird <3!

basics of the plot for the roleplay~ Two queens, Emilia and Pomeline. Emilia was born with beauty, luck, grace, everything a princess needed, along with the love from the entire kingdom. Pomeline was found on a farm, dirty, unlucky, tossed to the wind to be someone else's problem.. Luckily, the royal family had morals and saw potential in the young child. What they were unable to foresee, was the anger that would build and boil over in Pomeline's life, leading her to some day, weeks after Emilia had given birth, poisoning her sister and taking over the throne. Pomeline hated how the kingdom was treated, it simply wasn't right in her eyes. Unfortunately, what WAS right in her eyes, was torturing the less fortunate; killing those who even look at the queen wrong; fighting wars for the sake of pride. She wanted blood, saw no use for peace. Now? Her nephew is leading a band of rebellions and fighting to repair the damage she has brought upon the kindgom.

Who would've guess that I'm struggling to write anything other than smut at the moment? 

Year 10, no Jaskier in sight, his last hunting attempt & the final straws[flashback]

Geralt had spent the night traveling, making his way to the last town Jaskier was supposedly in. It was a little past sunrise when he arrived, and with no thoughts other than 'Find Jaskier' in his head, he stumbled into the pub with the intent of getting information. Jaskier had to have visited the pub, it was the main place the bard would sing after all. "Looking for a bard, brown hair, kinda sucks at singing, plays a lute, usually has high waisted pants and a matching overcoat. Has he been here? His name is Jaskier, he's a friend." Geralt growled out while tossing down some coin, hoping he had enough to gain some information from the bartender. He had to stop himself from rambling on, adding “He’s wonderful, beautiful. His voice is beautiful, this world is too plain without him.” He had a wonderful habit of lying to himself, telling himself he still wasn’t feeling this, it HAD to be magic.

"Sure, just left town last night." 

That was the only answer he got, his coin being swiped away and his hope of seeing Jaskier dwindling. It wasn't long after when the witcher left and started on the road again, hoping that by some miracle he would catch up to Jaskier and finally see his friend again. It was two weeks later when Geralt gave up his hunt, always far behind Jaskier, finding evidence of him just for the bard to be nowhere to be seen. The day he gave up, was the same day he lost Roach, his final friend. 

Geralt returned to his camp to find Roach laying on the ground, seemingly exhausted and out of breath. He knew Roach was old, but he wasn’t ready to see her go, so he told himself he had just missed that Roach was running around before. Roach was tied to a tree though, incapable of spending time running around. Geralt refused to acknowledge it.. He couldn’t. If he acknowledged it, the truth would crash down on him even more. How could life take away all his friends, then make him return from a trip just to find Roach in pain?

It was later that same day, Roach’s head resting in Geralt’s lap as Geralt let the tears fall for once, that Geralt held his friend through their last breaths. For the first time, the question came to mind.  
“What do YOU want?”  
“I want Jaskier, anyone, somebody to love, a shoulder to cry on..” He answered, the truth finally escaping him. He had decided that he was done lying to himself. Done working until he couldn’t think. Roach was the last straw, and he had finally given in.

Next chapter of this will be some of the letters Geralt has written for Jaskier, but never sent. (If it's continued under another title I'll update this with another chapter with the link to it <3!)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be honest, no clue what I'm doing here. I'm heartbroken from my own au. And no, my plan was never to have Jaskier get hurt, our man lost Roach and that's the noncanon death.  
> I'm gonna draw this pain out as long as possible, and like four chapters in, hope'll come back to our man Geralt. You'll get to find out some of Jaskier's encounters in the next chapter ;))))))))


End file.
